i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
