i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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