and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
