i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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