so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
