there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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