I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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