apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
