D3 body, D1 cock
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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