ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize