I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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