I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
