so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
