the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
