im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
