I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
