he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize