yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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