a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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