did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
