apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
is wine microwaveable?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
