she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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