I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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