I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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