i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
