I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
