I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize