mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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