Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i was born a porn star she said
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
