we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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