fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You have to summon your inner elephant
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
