Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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