No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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