I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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