Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So many bounce houses so little time
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
