Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
