In America we eat man semen.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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