Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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