Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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