I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
