So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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