Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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