where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
