I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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