Tell her she can't have a vagina
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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