go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
