Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
