You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
