The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
