I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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