that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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