I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
