So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize