i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
