Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize