My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
