why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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