one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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