I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize