Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
