When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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