Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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