can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
