are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
