Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
