Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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