I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i came on her dog
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
