Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
