I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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