I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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