It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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