Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
